Family!This week has been incredible for me. A little bit of a different sort of incredible but incredible all the same! M. Russell Ballard came this Tuesday! He is a lot calmer than Elder Holland and teaches a lot differently. Still extremely powerful and spiritual but different. My whole week has felt a little bit more Elder Ballard's style. I am having incredible spiritual experiences but it’s so calm and joyful.
Elder Ballard gave us "suggestions" as fellow Elders! It was a great talk! Here are some of my favorite points:
He said to pray with faith and determination. He said another word for determination is "goals" or objectives. I have been studying goals and trying to figure out how to set and keep them. Before I am out of the MTC I will have set some of the first real meaningful goals of my life.
He also talked about being yourself as a missionary. He said that we need to carry on conversations about the gospel with people. By treasuring up the scriptures and P.M.E. we will be able to flow smoothly in a conversation and get the important things across.
It was interesting to me this devotional how so many things I was thinking about this week were addressed. In fact I had been discussing these topics and more with my teacher earlier in the day and we never really came to a great conclusion, even though it was a spectacular conversation. I felt like I did not need to worry about it after I talked to him. It even crossed my mind that the topic was not done for the day and maybe I could get something out of the devotional that evening. I was amazed when several comments of Elder Ballard seemed to be directed specifically at me! It was the first time that I had really strongly felt like that. A few of my prayers, specific prayers were answered through an apostle of God!
My relationship with Heavenly Father is growing a lot. I am learning how to really have faith in and rely on him. From, this faith I am able to have hope and be more cool calm and collected as a missionary. Some things that used to scare me just straight up do not anymore.
The same Elder who almost left last week was inches away again this week. He is so good at painting the picture that everything is fine when it’s really not and then one day he will just go talk to the councilor for hours and almost head home. It’s been a pretty stressful situation for everyone. I constantly worry that as a leader I am not doing enough to uplift and encourage. The Branch president talked to me the other day about this elder but also specifically about me. He said he was surprised that I am having these difficulties in the MTC. He said it’s not common and since I am only nineteen its weird that the Lord would give me these tests. BUT! I am so grateful for them! I am learning to recognize trials as lessons and really get down into it and learn. I thank God for the opportunity to learn now rather than later. He has a plan for me, I know he does, and I am finding joy in following God and seeing where he takes me. I am learning from a difficult companion, with missionaries wanting to go home, with a leadership position and so much else! God wants me to learn fast I suppose.
My Branch president counseled me to get a blessing from the zone leaders this week though just because of the stress that I am under. It was an extremely good Idea and I feel a lot better about things now. This is the craziest most busy time of my entire life but I have never felt the hand of God working as plainly as I feel it now.
I am still enjoying learning about the Gospel! I have learned how to ask questions about things and really study them out. I now use the index, bible dictionary and topical guide almost every time I study. I feel like I am finding deep secrets in the scriptures that I almost should not speak out loud because of how sacred and awesome it is! The cool thing is that it’s just my same scriptures I have always had. I read scriptures that I have read a hundred times but somehow now it hits me different and I understand. I wish I could have back four years of seminary with this passion that I possess now for the scriptures!
Anyways, I love you all so much that it is ridiculous. Thanks for the letters, pictures and the love. I can still feel how the strength of my family has benefited me here in the MTC. I don't know how I would have ever gotten to this point without you.
Muchisimas Gracias!
-Elder Jacob Green
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